Neighbors

Do you have the privilege of having good neighbors? For some reason, I've been thinking about my neighbors lately. I do have some wonderful neighbors. One mother and daughter bring us delicious baked goods probably four times a year. The husband/father has come by to share helpful information with us. Our neighbors across the street are a wonderful Christian family with sweet kids and huge hearts. We played two seasons of softball with them a few years ago. When we had Trevin, they brought us several meals and goodies and just poured blessings on us. The wife/mother invited me to MOMS at her church and made herself available to me if I needed her. It was really sweet.

So today I was thinking about what kind of neighbor I am. I am not a great neighbor. I have not brought goodies to my neighbors. I do not venture across the street to talk with the neighbors and see how they are doing. I basically keep to myself. I don't like it. I planned on being that friendly neighbor that reaches out to those around her. This past Christmas, I actually went as far as putting together tins of Christmas goodies for the neighbors, then I never delivered them. What?! Who does that? I do, apparently. I completely chickened out, and I don't know what I was afraid of. Did I really expect someone to get angry with me or slam the door in my face as I'm standing there with a smile and some cookies? No. So what's the deal?

I have issues - insecurity issues that span many areas of my life. I am fearful. It drives me crazy. My major issue is the fear of what others think of me. I don't go to see the neighbors because I fear an awkward reaction like "why are you doing this?" I fear that I won't know what to say to fill the silence. I fear that they will have something better to do and I will be interrupting something, thus annoying them. I'm fearful of the uncertainties involved in stepping out to touch someone else's life.

But let's be honest. Don't people like being blessed and cared about? Are these fears realistic? Probably not. So I really don't have anything to be worried about. I wish I could just get over it and walk across the street to say hello and share some cookies without feeling like my heart is about to jump out of my chest. I wish I could talk to anyone who is not a close friend without getting nervous and feeling like I need to be outgoing and witty (some things I definitely am not).

So, that's what I'm struggling through right now. I'm an introvert that needs to be extroverted sometimes, and it's not easy.