My journey to the other side of the table, part 1

It's been awhile since I've posted anything very deep. There are reasons for that. First, I've had a negative attitude about certain things lately and you know the saying, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Whenever I'd sit down to write something, it sounded really whiny and I didn't want to sound that way. Second, it is time-consuming! And I don't really have the luxury of time these days. If I do, it's at the end of the day when I am tapped out. Tired. Exhausted. Sitting at my computer, thinking and writing deep thoughts, takes more energy than I have right now. SO instead, you've gotten to read "fluffy" stuff. Stories and pictures that have been light and fun. That's what I have energy to share right now, which is probably more enjoyable for you to read anyway.

But this blog is not only for your reading pleasure. I also use it as a journal of sorts. It's often therapeutic to read old posts and reflect on what was going on in my life at a certain time. It's also a lot of fun to look back on pictures and stories about Trevin. And while I don't feel like I have the time right now, I think I really need to start writing and sharing more, like I used to.

I've had this post "brewing" for awhile. I think I've started and deleted it about three times. I've had old, unpublished posts about my thoughts regarding this subject and have honestly never had the energy to share what I'm about to today. But, I figured, energy or no energy, I need to just write it so it can stop "brewing."

It is my journey to the other side of the table. What table? You may ask. It's the parent-teacher table. You know, those parent-teacher conferences when you sit at the table together and discuss a child's progress, successes, and needs. Or the group meetings regarding special needs students, when the parent was faced with the school psych, the teacher, and the therapist, given an abundance of information to decipher and practically a book of papers to sign. Having been a teacher, I remember those conferences. I remember having wonderful ones where you and the parent were on the same page, the child was doing wonderfully and there was not bad news or surprises. Then there were the hard ones. The ones where the parents denied the fact that their child was struggling. The ones where you had to tell the parents things that they did not want to hear. The ones where you could see the defeat in the parents' eyes as they just wanted to know what they could do to help their child, but were so overwhelmed with it all.

I am now on the other side of that table. I'm no longer the professional, but the parent.

I apologize for being cryptic. You're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about (I'm tired, remember?). So I'll get to the point.

15 months ago, Trevin began physical therapy. My journey started there and the documentation I found on my blog about anything related to Trevin's physical abilities is here, when he was nine months old.

When Trevin qualified for physical therapy in April 2009, I was skeptical. He was right on the border for qualifying, yet they qualified him to be seen weekly by a physical therapist (PT). In my mind, that was a little overzealous. Was it really a problem that he was a year old and just beginning to crawl? Kids develop at different speeds, right? It did not help my skepticism when the PT we began seeing (a different one did his eval) was expecting Trevin to be much further behind than he was.

Trevin started progressing very quickly after he began physical therapy. By mid summer, he was only being seen twice a month. By October, he was down to once a month. His PT was so excited about his progress because she rarely had clients who were in a position to "graduate" from the early intervention program before they were automatically exited at the age of 3. At this point, I still wasn't completely convinced that the therapy was what got him crawling and walking so quickly. While the PT had some great input and effective ways to build Trevin's strength, part of me attributed his age and natural development to his progress.

By January of this year, Trevin's PT started expressing concerns that Trevin's progression was slowing a little. He wasn't running or jumping yet, which wasn't typical, in her mind, of the average toddler. Usually, once they begin walking, running and jumping soon follow.

Over the course of his therapy, she had noticed other issues. His right leg is shorter than his left, so we started putting a lift in his right shoe. And most likely because of this discrepancy, Trevin was also very unbalanced. While walking and changing surfaces, his torso was always very rigid and if he was able to hold on to anything, he was gripping for dear life. In addition, his left side was a little weaker than his right. His PT recommended that Trevin be evaluated for occupational therapy (OT), as he showed signs of possibly having sensory issues.

We moved forward with the OT eval, and the following is part of an unpublished post that I wrote after the eval.

Today I took Trevin in for an OT evaluation. He's been in physical therapy for a year now, and his physical therapist recommended he be evaluated for occupational therapy because of his "cautious" nature when walking on different surfaces. She thought maybe it would give us some extra insight if there is, indeed, a sensory issue that Trevin has.

I don't really know why I have an issue with it. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's doubt or uncertainty. At this point, I honestly don't know if I believe that he has sensory issues or if it's just development or even his personality. It took me a long time to even believe that he truly needed to be in physical therapy. I see, now, some issues that he has, but sometimes I still think he is developing at the same rate as his peers. As far as the occupational therapy goes, the therapist today told me that he would qualify, she just wasn't sure if it would be for weekly or monthly services. She said he would benefit from some fine motor work, as well as sensory work, such as experiencing different surfaces when walking and gaining more confidence in his movement. And I don't know how I feel about it.

I know that he would enjoy it. I know that he really doesn't have anything to lose by getting this extra help. I know that it is wise to get help early, rather than wait until a problem REALLY presents itself. My problem is with the paperwork, the goals, the meetings, with being on the other side of the table. I am no longer the professional...the teacher, sharing my thoughts with parents, giving input and advice, advocating for kids when their parents don't think there's an issue. Now I'm the parent...hearing that my son is not quite where he needs to be developmentally, asking for advice and input, doubting that my child really needs all this help, wondering what the PT or OT think of me when I ask questions or sound doubtful.

I'm not the professional anymore. I know that, but I think I also have a pretty solid knowledge base. I know how the goals and individualized plans work. I know why kids need PT and OT (in grade school, anyway). I know, so it bothers me to be spoken to like I don't...to have someone say, "well, as I've been explaining to you..." when I ask what I think is an educated question, or "let's see, how can I explain this so you understand?"

Seriously? I think I understand.

And that's all I'll write tonight. Stay tuned for part 2.